Learning to Breathe Beyond Grieving
There were times along my grief journey that I felt like I was totally drowning in sorrow. Where breathing was just a dream and suffocating was my reality!
Feeling like you are struggling to breathe is a real thing when facing grief, especially when you first receive word that you have lost a loved one. We are often told that the sadness of death comes in waves, this is true. You can be driving down the street, watching a movie, or spending time with friends and the emotions and tears will just hit!
When we lose loved ones back-to-back, like I have, this feeling is only magnified.
Losing my brother, father of my child, followed by my mother and then father (whose deaths were 10 months apart), was beyond unimaginable and at times unbearable. Although I lost what felt like a whole group of people from my life, each loss was unique as the relationship I shared with each person was very different. The mourning of each death felt and looked very different.
For my brother there was a light sadness, because of the comfort I felt in knowing that he would no longer live in a state of physical suffering from living in pain with ongoing medical procedures as he toiled with brain cancer for five years.
For my child’s father, there was a very deep sadness where my tears ran down from my eyes for days upon end because I would miss the true love of my life and the pain that would linger in my heart knowing that my daughter would have to grow up without her biological father, a father that adored and loved her to the core.
With my mother there was a deep hurt, sadness, and fear in losing my best friend, as I walked through life like a lost child for months following her passing. She was the one who would called and checked in with me everyday. She was the one who I could count on to be there when I had my worst days and when I had the best experiences and days of my life.
With my father, there was an internal anger at losing my stronghold, my life compass, my life teacher, and my partner in clowning around. Where ever my father was, I longed to be there too. At every family gathering, you could definitely find me sitting as close to him as humanly possible... my Daddy!
Each loss was tough, for a different reason.
I definitely needed my life tribe and village and with each loss, they showed up, those who were there for me and those who were there for my children, because I could not handle both my grief and the individual grief of both my son and my daughter.
Let me share with you right now… the truth in the matter… and the saying we hear all this time… “IT IS OK… NOT TO BE OK"!
The losses we experience through grief, fills our lungs with an ache that is made fresh with each breath. When we are grieving, our hindered and labored breathing makes it feel like we will never be able to breathe freely, without worry again.
Learning to breathe without grieving is hard and an unfolding process that takes time. I have found one thing to be true, time truly heals all wounds and there will be a time in your life again, where you will be able to breathe again, with ease!
Sending you all the LIGHT AND LOVE I CAN FIND... this is ya girl... Ms. Charmin Williams... with A Charmin Williams Brand!